Here is a recent exchange I had with a coaching client:

“All this dating is exhausting”

“Why?”

“From the moment I meet them, I have no idea if they like me”

“So what?”

“I can’t stop thinking about it”

“What do you think the problem is?”

“Obsessing.  Wondering.  Needing to know”

“Why is that a problem?”

“It makes me feel needy”

“How would you rather feel?”

“Confident”

“What would make you feel confident?”

“I don’t know.  Maybe just believing that I get to call the shots.”

Bingo.

Dating is no walk in the park.

It’s hard to read the other person. 

But too much focus on being liked obscures YOUR objective, which is finding someone YOU like.

“I have no idea if they like me” and “I can’t stop thinking about it” are thoughts that will lead to neediness.

How ‘bout flipping the script?

How do you think this one would feel?  “I choose who I date.”

How about this one?  “I have lots of options.”

Hear the difference?

You’re in charge of your dating life.

Put your focus there and the process will be much easier.

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