“I don’t want to bother her.  She looks busy.”

“She has her head phones on.”

“On second thought, she’s not that hot.”

We have a million excuses why we shouldn’t approach a woman, right?  Spend enough time thinking about it and you’ll talk yourself out of it every time.

The fact is we’re just scared.

Every guy knows what this is.  Even if you’re fairly adept at talking to women, there are times when just seeing a beautiful woman, one you really want to meet, is enough to scare you from approaching.

The definition of approach anxiety is the fear of approaching a stranger you find attractive.

But why are we afraid?  Why do so many of us fear doing something that can get us what we want?

The short answer is because it’s in our DNA.

This is not only men.  All people inherently fear the unknown.

It goes back to cavemen not knowing if another tribe would welcome them or want them for lunch!

So how do we turn off the fear?  What can we do to overcome this obstacle?

The first step is to stop blaming yourself.  There’s nothing wrong with you.

You’re reacting like any human who is trying something new.  You’d have the same reaction (sweaty palms, rapid heart-beat, etc.) to going skydiving or speaking in public for the first time.

Like any new activity, you just need more reps before you feel comfortable.  No big deal.

Many of my clients connect it to their manhood – “As a man, I should be able to do this”.

Approach it like a new sport or hobby – “I just want to get better at this” – and you’ll have more success.

Step two – understand that you need to fail.  The successful guys have tried, failed and learned – the secret formula to building confidence.

Your confidence will come from your failures.  You will fail, try something new and try again.

This process builds your resilience muscle, knowing that you will keep going, no matter what happens, until you’re successful.

You have to try, fail and learn (get better) – that’s the special sauce.

Last step – take action!  Do it before your mind takes over.

In one of my first blogs I talked about “20-Seconds of Insane Courage”.  I’ve since come to learn it needs to be much shorter – 3 seconds.

Three seconds is all you get to start moving your feet.  That might not be your reaction time right now but it should be your goal.

With each successive approach, take note of your reaction time.  With practice, you can reduce it pretty quickly.

I know.  You’re probably thinking “This is not enough information to help me overcome my approach anxiety”.

Here’s the deal though – it won’t just happen by reading this.  You’ll have to take action.

Is just the thought of that scaring you?

That’s why people hire life coaches.

 

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