Have you ever wondered why some relationships work and other don’t?

Why some people are commitment-phobic and others “latch-on” immediately to a new partner in a needy way?

Then there are others who find their person pretty easily and don’t experience the constant drama in their relationship like so many others do.

According to Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, these occurrences are not coincidental.  They’re consistent with people’s attachment style.

In their book, Attached, they explain the new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find – and keep – love.

I’ve always been curious about this – what’s the “secret sauce” to a successful relationship?

And for anyone who has not had success finding love, what can they do to fix that?

Levine and Heller attempt to address these questions and more and they start with three distinct attachment styles, which we all fit into.

These styles are the manners in which we perceive and respond to intimacy in romantic relationships. 

The first is Secure, which is when someone feels comfortable with intimacy and is usually warm and loving.

The second is Anxious.  These individuals crave intimacy.  They are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back.

The last is Avoidant.  These people tend to equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.

People with these different styles tend to differ in the way they deal with conflict, their attitude toward sex, their ability to communicate what they want and their expectations for their partner.

Based on these different attachment styles, can you see why conflicts surface in a relationship?  Why two people with different styles might struggle to connect?

Understanding your attachment style and that of your partner will go a long way toward determining the success of your relationship.

Stay tuned for more insights from the book, Attached.  It will be something I reference in future posts.

It’s a critically important book for anyone looking for love, especially if you’re committed to growing as a person in order to find it.

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