This is a life coaching term that refers to activities we use to distract us from feeling emotions.

Here’s an example.

Let’s say I’m nervous about writing this article.  I’m not sure about what I want to say.  I don’t want to do research because that will take a while and I’m feeling impatient.  That impatience, and the nervousness, circulate within me.

I may not know what it is, per se, but I know it doesn’t feel good.

I have a choice.

I can either feel both emotions fully and move on to the task at hand or I can push them aside and avoid them by distracting myself with something else.

That something else is the buffering.

Buffering can be almost anything – going on Facebook, watching TV, having a drink – anything that distracts us from actually feeling what we’re feeling.

Is that bad?

Well, only if you want to get something done.  And only if you want to be someone who can manifest their intentions with real action and consequently, get the things they want in life.

We label it as procrastination but that doesn’t really capture what’s going on.

Feelings are meant to be felt.  That’s their purpose.

The problem is most of us are trained early on not to the feel the negative stuff – the impatience, the nervousness, the frustration, the anger – you get the idea.

Instead, we’ve learned to do something else – have a smoke, play a video game, even do something healthy like going for a run – but under no circumstance should we sit and actually feel the feeling.

Here’s the issue – it doesn’t go away.

It builds.

Feelings stick around and build in intensity, like a pressure cooker, the more you ignore them.

So what does all this have to do with dating and meeting women?

Well, like anything else, it’s something you need to be motivated to do.  And it’s something you probably have some feelings about.

Does approaching a woman make you nervous?

Do you choose other things to do instead of sending messages to women online?

These are instances where buffering can surface.

What are your buffering activities?

Identifying and recognizing them are the first steps in changing that behavior so start there.

Write down your top-5 and be on the lookout when you’re doing them.  It probably means you’re experiencing some negative emotions but avoiding feeling them.

But this is just step 1.

The real work is in feeling those negative emotions.

Master that and it will be a game-changer for you.

Stay tuned for next week’s blog when I describe how to feel an emotion.

Don’t miss it.

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