We all want closure after someone breaks up with us.

But we rarely get it.

“Only you can give yourself closure” – that’s what our friends say, right?

But it’s not very helpful.

As humans, we make sense of the world through stories – there’s a past, present and future.

Relationships also have a sense of where they’ve been, where they are and where they’re going.

But a break-up disrupts that.

So we furiously try to understand the story again.

But what if your story is the problem?

Is it grounded in reality?

Or is it based more on an idyllic narrative of love you’ve always sought?

The saying should be “Only you can give yourself closure, before the break-up occurs.”

The point is to pay attention before the break-up.

Communicate.  Check in to see how she’s doing – particularly in the context of the relationship.

And be realistic about the relationship – don’t assume it’s in a good place because YOU feel good about it.

Yes, you can give yourself closure.

But do it before the break-up ever comes.

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