This is not about what you think.

It’s not about how to overcome your fear of commitment or how to make a relationship work.

It’s about getting what you want and the way to do that is by committing yourself.

Before I jump in, I want to give a shout out to Brenda Lomeli, a fellow coach from the Life Coach School who developed the framework for this content on commitment.

So how does one commit to something?

First, identify what you want.  Write a list.  Then start with the one most important to you.

Let’s use “I want to find a girlfriend”

Second, get real with yourself.  Ask yourself if you’re willing to take whatever action is needed.

Here’s a few sample questions to ask:

Am I committed enough to take action even if it is difficult?

Am I committed enough to take action even if I’m tired?

Am I committed enough to take action even when I don’t feel like it?

Your mind will tell you to give up at different points so you need to establish, for yourself, that you will fight through that.

Third, make the decision to commit.  Don’t just think it.  Write it.

“I am committed to do whatever is necessary to find a girlfriend.  I will work tirelessly.  I will embarrass myself if needed.  I will put in the time even when I’m tired and want to rest.”

This is a promise to yourself so think of it as a legal contract.

Not keeping your promise is not an option.  You will not compromise on this commitment.

Fourth – honor your commitment by anticipating future obstacles and laying out a strategy to overcome them.

“One thing that might prevent me from honoring my commitment is going on a date.  I tend to relax and think she might be the one.  I promise to keep going on dates until I’ve definitively found my girlfriend.”

Fifth – evaluate your commitment.  Are you doing what you said you’d do?

What actions am I taking that are aligned with my commitment?

What actions are not aligned?

On a scale of 0-10, what’s my commitment level right now?

Do this check-in every month.

Last step: Dream!

It’s important to spend time in the future imagining you’ve reached your goal.

Imagine that you’ve found your girlfriend.  What’s your life like?  What is SHE like?  How do you spend your time together?

Your mind will try to negate this.  It will try to figure out a plan.  Just notice your mind doing that and keep imagining.

Let yourself believe this is your future.

Let yourself imagine you’ve already found her.

Write down what it’s like.

So there you have it.  How to make and fulfill commitments to yourself.

Now, guess what?

Once you improve your commitment skills to yourself, your commitment level with women will improve as well.

But that’s a conversation for another day.

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