There is an often-used phrase that shows up in movies and TV, “You have to fight for her”.
Usually there’s some kind of bump in the road with the main characters – a disagreement, she wants to take a job out of town – some kind of disruption or adversity.
And the guy is expected to “show up” in some way – to be there for her no matter what.
Women want to know that you won’t jump ship when things change or go bad.
Now this is usually in the context of an existing, usually long-term, relationship. But these same principles apply to a new relationship as well.
Setting that tone of stability is important.
One of the toughest things for a guy to do when just meeting someone is to be vulnerable – approaching her, asking her out, telling her you like her, etc.
And that vulnerability needs to continue even when you have no evidence she likes you back.
I’ve always struggled with this concept.
If a woman didn’t return my call, I would have one of two reactions:
- Anger – “The hell with her!”
- Disappointment/hurt – “She doesn’t like me.”
Neither one takes other factors, outside of my own, into consideration.
- Maybe she’s going through some family crisis?
- Maybe she’s been seeing someone casually and is now torn?
- Maybe she’s testing me?
- Maybe she wants me to try harder?
The point is, if I don’t really go after her – fight for her – I’ll never really know.
The bottom line is she may not be interested but that’s not my first priority.
My priority is “going for it” and repeatedly being vulnerable even though there’s a chance I’ll be rejected.
So what does this look like?
- Call her again even if it’s her turn
- Initiate plans even if your sensing reticence on her part
- Shoot her a text if something reminds you of her
Today I push myself to make that extra move, even when it’s the last thing I want to do.
More often than not, it’s not reciprocated.
But it’s not about her.
By fighting for her, I’m really fighting for me.
I’m training myself to keep going after what I want, even when I have little evidence it will work out.
Does any of this resonate for you?
There’s more you could be doing as well, right?