If you’ve ever broken up with someone and were conflicted by the decision, you’ve probably struggled with the next big question.   

Should I get back together with her?

But that question isn’t easy to answer.

It’s hard to see the relationship, and its challenges, with any real perspective because you’re an active participant in it.

That’s why the distance of a separation can often help you see the relationship more clearly.

It also helps to hear from experts who have studied this phenomenon.

Say hello to Justin K. Mogilski and Lisa L.M. Welling, who researched this topic and co-wrote a paper in 2017 entitled “Staying Friends with an Ex”.

They investigated the circumstances under which ex-partners were likely to resume a dating relationship.

Like the title suggests, remaining friends is one circumstance where people tended to get back together.

Another was “lingering feelings” – both people still felt love and affection for the other.

But is it wise to get back together under this circumstance?

It depends.

According to Mogilski and Welling, it matters whether the feelings are driven by love or loneliness.

When it’s the latter, the feelings are more a reaction to the breakup itself and the resulting dread of being alone, rather than a sign of genuine longing.

The bottom line is that couples who decide to give a relationship another try are much more likely to succeed when the relationship was emotionally healthy and made both partners happy.

If you didn’t have that to begin with, then rekindling may not be a good idea.

If you’re ever considering getting back together after a breakup, think of your reasons for doing so.

If you don’t like your reasons, don’t do it.

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