We all have them.

These are the things other people say and do that really set us off.

But they can be especially jarring in relationships and if not contained, can really jam you up.

Here’s some tips.

First, identify the hot buttons.

For me it’s rejection or being ignored.

Either makes me feel hurt and angry.

What are your hot buttons?

When a woman doesn’t respond to your sexual advances?

When a woman criticizes you?

Think about what sets you off and jot them down.

Next, and this is really important, don’t blame yourself.

You’re allowed to feel however you feel. 

The key is what you do with those feelings.

If you weaponize them and use them as the basis to attack her, you’re going to have disastrous results.

So what do you do with them?

Negative feelings have to go somewhere.

I channel them either into a workout or through writing.  Writing about what you’re feeling helps to process the emotions and better understand them.

I also talk to a friend – someone I trust who will give it to my straight.  That gives me perspective.

Finally, and this might be the hardest part, I try to empathize – to see it from her perspective.

Chances are she wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt you.

I ask, “What was she trying to do?”

Sometimes it’s an innocent joke or comment.

Getting a grasp on your hot buttons will save you from blowing up a relationship that has a lot of promise.

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