Let me guess.  You’re a perfectionist, right?

You hold yourself to a high standard.  You focus more on your failures than your accomplishments.  You don’t take compliments well.

All these are signs of perfectionism.  And perfectionism is what is getting in the way.  It’s stopping you prematurely.  It’s telling you you’ll never succeed unless you can master it immediately.  If you can’t, you don’t even try.

Ironically, confidence comes from failure.

You ask a woman out.  She says no.

You ask another woman out.  She also says no.

You ask a third out – same thing.

You eventually ask out 10 women.  They all say no but by now you’ve made some adjustments.

Each time you made a little tweak – you make better eye contact, you relax more, you smile more.

On your eleventh try you get a yes!

Why on the eleventh try?

You stuck with it.

Each time you got a no, you learned something.  But more importantly, you told yourself “I’m a step closer to getting a yes.”

Confident people see their failures as lessons for learning.  And here’s the key – they know their failure has nothing to do with them.

People with low confidence make their failures personal – “I failed because I suck.”

Want to be more confident?

Start changing the monologue in your head.

It doesn’t have to be anything grand when you first start.  You may not be ready for big thoughts like, “I’m awesome.  I’m going to crush this.”

Start with “I’m going to try.”

The thought has to be believable so start small.

If you lack confidence, it’s probably because you quit too early.

Quitting is failing in advance.

You never give yourself the opportunity to succeed.

There’s only one way to build confidence – try, fail, learn.

Then do it again.

Don’t feel like you’re capable of trying?

Look at your thoughts.  What do they reveal?

“I can’t do this”

“She’ll laugh at me”

“I’ve never done this before”

These won’t get it done.  Time for some new ones.

It’s no big deal.  You don’t have to become a new person.

You just need some help in thinking differently.  Do that and you’ll be taking more action, failing more, learning more AND, as a natural consequence, succeeding more.

THAT’s how you become more confident!

 

 

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