Ok, so you’ve summoned the courage to go over.  Awesome.  That’s the hardest part.  Now all you have to do is figure out what to say.

At this point I could give you universal canned phrases and you could recycle them but let’s take a different approach.

Your goal is not to only break the ice but to do it in a way that piques her interest.  Here is what your icebreaker should include:

  1. An observation
  2. Some charm or humor
  3. A question for her to respond to

Here’s an example.  You’re in a bar and notice a woman sitting by herself.  She is tapping away on her phone and you notice her phone case has Mickey Mouse ears.  You walk over and say, “Wow, my 12-year old niece has the same case.  I didn’t know they gave those out to adults.  Did you steal that from a little kid?”

Observation: you noticed she had an unusual phone case

Charm/humor: you poked fun at her for having a goofy, kid’s case

Question: you asked her a question that prompts a response

Canned icebreakers are not as effective as spontaneous ones.  By injecting some charm or humor, you’re keeping the tone loose and unintimidating, which is key for women.  They don’t want to feel threatened.

If you can tease her in the process or just convey a sense of playfulness, even better.  That tells her you are funny and women like that.  Ask women what they want in a guy and most will say, “someone who can make me laugh”.

The teasing and poking have another benefit.  They convey a sense of confidence and that’s always attractive.  You don’t have to be Will Ferrell.  Just inject some charm in your opening approach and you’re on your way.

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