The difference between being considered a “date” vs. her boyfriend often comes down to your ability to connect with her on a deeper level.

What you talk about and the questions you ask will determine the level of intimacy you have with her.

First, you have to be willing to share personal information about yourself.  By putting your guard down, she will be more likely to do the same.

Afraid to do that?

I highly advise working with a coach.  But, since I don’t want to turn this post into a plug, I’ll leave it at that.

If you’re able to open up – feel free to talk about your family, what it was like for you growing up, adversity in your life and how you handled it, etc.  All these things show a more personal side of you and most women really like that.

Likewise, you’ll want to know similar things about her.  However, despite your sharing, she may be cautious about revealing too much, particularly early on.

The best bet is not to rush it.  Women need more time to develop trust.

But you can subtly deepen the relationship by asking questions that will draw her out.

Remember, you’ll need to take the lead and reveal something about yourself first before asking these.

Here are some examples:

What was the scariest thing you ever did?

Lead in to this with something you did that was scary.  Then ask it.  You know you have a good question when it makes her think.  This is one of them.  By making her search within herself and access something tied to real emotion, she is going to associate you with that depth, which is a good thing.

Where’s a place you’ve always wanted to go but haven’t yet?

Again, lead into this with a related experience of your own – something you just checked off your bucket list, a trip your saving up for, etc.  Asking her a question like this taps into her dreams.  The fact is, most of us don’t spend much time thinking about these things and by asking it, she will connect you with the positive emotions tied to her desires.

Have you ever been in love?

This is obviously a very personal question so use discretion as to the timing of asking it.  You’re not going to ask it on your first or second date.  But when you do ask, if she just gives you a “yes”, ask her when.  By talking about those times, she will probably start imagining a relationship with you, if she hasn’t already.  Helping her recall memories of love will be a powerful experience and should generate more closeness in your relationship.

The more you can engender emotion, positive memories and deep desires, the more success you’ll have in connecting with her.

The examples above are more to get your imagination going.  What are some other questions you can come up with?

Make it fun.

Make it your own.

And start to bring more of yourself into those relationships you really want to deepen.

Do that and you’ll move from her date to boyfriend pretty quickly.

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