We have all been there.  You finally work up the nerve to ask someone out and she says no.  It could be a courteous “no thank you” or a harsh “get lost” but either way, it stings.

How you handle the rejection will, in many ways, dictate how successful you are at getting more dates.  Here are some tips that will help you bounce back quickly.

Don’t take it personally – easy, right?  It’s always easy to tell a friend but when it’s you, not so much.  I’m a big fan of the book “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz.  One of the agreements is “don’t take things personally” – good or bad.  It’s a recognition that what people do and say to others has much more to do with them than us.  Read this book – it’s a quick read.  It will be a great tool in your dating toolbox.

Let go of “the reason” – most people need closure after they’ve been turned down – “What did I do wrong?”  “Why didn’t she like me?”  In most cases, you will never know.  Trying to figure it out will drive you nuts.  The relief you’re looking for comes by unloading your thoughts, not by talking to friends, which is what most do but rather, writing them down.  Try it.  Write down whatever pops into your head.  This allows you to “download” your thoughts so they stop spinning around in your head.  Still looking for the reason the next day?  Write some more.

Change your frame – most people interpret a “no” as a rejection of them personally.  Try this instead – “she rejected us as a match”.  That means she doesn’t see a fit for the two of you together.  That does NOT imply something is wrong with you.  Think about it.  The last time you stopped seeing someone, was it because there was something wrong with them or because you didn’t see the fit?  I’m guessing the latter. There ARE people who are a fit for you.  It just takes time to find them.  Next time someone turns you down, remind yourself “I just wasn’t a fit for her”.

Rejection is always tough but you can train your mind to respond differently.  Try the tips above and you will start to see how easy it is to move on from a “no”.

Leave a Comment