I realize I’m venturing into some sensitive territory here.  I am not a sex therapist and will not even try to give you pointers on the act itself.

Instead, I’m going to give you some tips on handling your interaction with her as your building up to sex and managing your own mind, which is huge in terms of getting the results you want.

Sex is one of those areas where if you have any insecurities at all, they will surface very quickly

“I hope I can satisfy her.”

“I hope I can maintain my erection.”

“Please God, no premature ejaculation tonight.”

All these things get in your head and can preoccupy you during a time when we’re trying to relax.

First thing – write down what you’re thinking.  Get all your concerns on paper.

You will certainly be thinking about the possibility of sex before you see her so take a few minutes to get a better idea of what’s going through your head.  It will lift some of the burden.

Challenge your thoughts with reality.  A lot of the pressure we put on ourselves is related to unrealistic expectations – like giving her multiple orgasms during your first encounter.

Try something that’s more realistic.

When I sense a night of sex might be happening, I tell myself, “This is just another way of getting to know her.”

Which brings me to my next point – pay attention during foreplay and the sex itself.

As guys, we just want to do a good job at everything we do…and sex is no different.

Use the encounter to get to know her.  Where does she liked to be touched?  Did she arch her back when you kissed her neck?  Notice when she starts breathing more heavily.

There’s so much information there.

Be present and keep your focus on your body and hers.

If you’re anxious going into it, your mind will invariably wander.  Have a technique to bring yourself back.

I like to use my breath.  If I notice my mind wandering, I bring my attention back to my breath and that helps me reconnect to my body.

Next point – slow down!

You don’t have to have intercourse the first time you get naked.  And she won’t think less of you if you don’t try.

So much is made of taking it slow for the woman’s benefit because she needs to trust you, which is true, but take your time so YOU can feel comfortable.

If you’re anxious about performance, it’s a good idea to move at a slow pace where you can trust her.

Also, slow down the pace during your encounter.  Being in a rush is a turn-off so take your time, particularly when kissing her.

Do not gloss over the kissing stage early on because it tells her a lot about your sexual compatability.

Best rule of thumb when kissing is take it slow.  Make the kiss soft, rather than pressing your face against her.

Mix it up.  Be curious.  Kissing is like a dance and different kinds of kisses, especially teasing her tongue with yours, is sexy.

Next point – take charge.

Do not ask her what position she wants to do.  She wants you to decide.

Most women want to be “taken”.  It’s a huge turn on for them if you just “have to have them” and the surest way to convey that is by being decisive and taking control during sex.

Be masculine, dominant, breathe heavy and make noises.  Let it all hang out.  She will get really turned on by how much she gets you off!

Last point – keep talking to a minimum.

Your talking should be limited to saying what’s going on and how it makes you feel.  That’s the key to talking dirty.

There’s a lot more we could cover here but the keys to good sex are getting your mind right, relaxing, taking your time and taking control.

If you can get these things down, you will be able to establish a better connection with her and have better sex!

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