It goes something like this…

You meet someone.  You like her.  You go on a few dates and enjoy your time together but something’s missing.

You can’t figure out what it is.

Somehow, she’s not meeting your expectations, but you continue dating her.


Why do people settle?

Here’s a few reasons:

  • Fear of being alone
  • You don’t think you can do better
  • She fills a void (e.g. you don’t have many friends)
  • She provides structure or accountability

But all of these are bad reasons and they’re not enough to build a relationship around.

So what’s a guy to do?

Well, for starters, don’t settle.

Here’s how:

  • Identify your expectations (and where they came from).  Don’t be surprised if many of them come from your family or society at large.  Ask yourself, “Whose expectation are these and do I want to have these anymore?”
  • Challenge yourself – a lack of self-esteem might be limiting your options.  Confidence comes from stretching yourself in parts of your life, failing and trying again until you succeed.  As your confidence grows, so do your options.
  • Develop more interests – you might be settling because just having a girlfriend makes your life more interesting.

Settling comes down to self-esteem and expectations. 

If you’re feeling good about yourself and have set realistic standards that are truly your own, settling won’t be a problem.

Leave a Comment