We all have insecurities but some of us have ones which are more acute and all it takes is a situation where we’re being judged for those insecurities to bubble up.

And what situation is more prone to judgment than dating?

When we’re judged, we feel like a victim, as if we don’t judge others ourselves.

But here’s the thing – we all judge.  It’s WHAT we judge that may differ from person to person.

Men tend to judge women unfairly about their looks and women tend to judge men unfairly about their money or professional success.

But that’s not the whole story.

We bring our own insecurities to every relationship without them being triggered by someone else.

Those insecurities are from our past but they cripple us in the present.

Here’s an example.

Tim was unpopular in high school.  He was overweight and stuttered.  He had no girlfriends and no prospects.  Tim did not go to his prom.

How do you think Tim feels about dating today?

Let’s just say Tim is not a fan.

He avoids dating altogether.

We all have stories from our past that we keep alive today.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Everything that happened in your past happened exactly the way it was supposed to.

It was perfect.

There’s no reason to fight with it.

Besides, you couldn’t change it even if you wanted to.

But you do need some level of acceptance in order to free yourself from it.

Want a way to reconcile with your past?

Write a letter to your past self.

It’s as simple as filling in the blanks.

Dear ______,

I am angry because…

I am sad because…

I wish…

I am sorry that…

I love you because…

Isn’t it time to leave the past in the past?

Don’t you want to be your best self for women you meet today?

Or even better, don’t you want to position yourself so you can just meet women, period?

Let go of your past.

And start moving toward your present self – your real self.

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