A common refrain I hear from clients goes something like this… “There are no good women out there.  All the good ones are taken.”

The natural inclination is always to blame some outside factor.

It’s – “the choice of women.”

It’s – “women are just interested in money.”

And here’s my personal favorite, “women have changed since COVID”

Really?

All these forces are conspiring to keep single guys, single?

You want to know something interesting?

Women are saying the same things.

So maybe it’s not these external factors.  Maybe it has something to do with us.

Here’s the deal.

We blame things outside ourselves because it’s easy – that way we don’t have to take responsibility for our situation.

But change is what’s needed.

Change what, you might ask?

How about your energy?

Dating is hard – the rejection, the judgment, juggling multiple women – it’s all anxiety provoking, so it’s understandable if you bring a certain level of anxiety to your interactions.

But right there’s the problem.

If you’re anxious, you’re not going to come off well.

You may seem tentative, insecure or needy.

No bueno.

What you want to give off is excitement, not based off your interest in your date (although that might have you fired up as well) but because you feel good about who you are.

If you’re finding it hard to bring that level of enthusiasm to women you meet, it might be because of where you are in life.

And if that’s what’s going on, it’s time to start working with a Life Coach.

If your issues are more circumstantial, there are things you can do right now.

First, get out of your head.

You may be undermining yourself before you even make a phone call or go on a date.

I tell my clients to do some physical activity before – workout or go for a walk.  Do something that gets you out of your head and into your body.

Second, do some thought work.

If you’re anxious as you think about an upcoming date, write down your thoughts. 

What do they reveal?

Probably some non-constructive thinking.

“She’s out of my league”

“What if she doesn’t like me?”

If your thoughts are in that realm, guess what?

You’re not going to give off the right energy.

And she’s going to feel it immediately.

You can control the energy you give off by living your best life, practicing good thought management and getting yourself in the right head space before a date.

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