This is becoming more and more popular – being in a committed relationship but not living together.
It’s so popular it has its own acronym – LAT.
It’s particularly appealing for older adults. One study found that 39% of adults over 50 who had a partner but were not married, were living apart.
This arrangement is not for everyone but there are distinct benefits:
- Maintain a sense of independence
- Have a greater appreciation for your partner
- Less conflict on issues that come up naturally from cohabitating
- Commitment is tied to your relationship and how you feel about each other rather than an artificial commitment resulting from your choice to live together
- Alone time
- It’s easier to walk away if things don’t work out
The downside?
- Cost of maintaining two homes
- Shuttling back and forth
- Easier to stray from the relationship
- Social pressure from family and friends
- Avoiding conflict is too easy – one person can just go home rather than dealing with issues in the relationship
- Easier to lose your connection and intimacy
The thing I find most intriguing about a LAT arrangement is that it breaks a norm. It provides another choice to a couple.
More choices lead to freer thinking and we can certainly use more of that in relationships.
As a single man in his 50’s, I am glad to see more people thinking for themselves – making choices that are different and diverge from the crowd.
Societal expectations like getting married or living together can create problems in a relationship that might not be strong enough to handle it.
LAT is a viable option if both you and your partner agree it fits your relationship.
