“As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.”

Andrew Carnegie

This quote has been recycled in political circles but we can apply it to dating as well.

Clients complain to me about women who say one thing and do another – the woman compliments them on the first date then is slow to respond to their calls in the ensuing days.

It’s confusing, right?

We do it too; we send mixed messages.

It’s hard to tell someone you’re not interested.  We don’t want to hurt their feelings and the challenges we have in conveying a difficult message is shared by women.

They have problems telling the truth too.

This is why it’s important to focus less on their words.

One of the common threads in the complaints I hear, and indeed, I’ve had them myself, is “why”.

“Why didn’t she call me back?”

“Why does she go out with me and then disappear for days?”

We make ourselves nuts with the “why”.

Instead of focusing on “why” questions, which, by the way, usually signifies a dead-end question, we should look at their actions.

“She’s slow to get back to me”

“She doesn’t prioritize making plans with me”

Her actions, or lack thereof, will tell you all you need to know about how she feels about you.

When I’m confused about a women’s intent, I add up all her actions.  I look at my actions to make sure I’ve been clear about showing my interest and I make a decision.

If I’ve been clear about my intent and her actions add up to ambivalence or disinterest, I move on. 

If I misread her and she was, in fact, interested, she’ll come back.  She’ll reach out to me.

If she doesn’t, I can rest easy knowing I’ve done everything I can.

Bottom line: I’d rather spend my time pursuing women genuinely interested in me.

Let go of the “why”. 

Look at her actions.

And make your decision.

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