I’m a meditator.

Do it every morning before work and when I need to de-stress.

My go-to meditation?

Jeff Warren’s “Daily Trip” on the Calm app.

Last week Warren released a meditation that resonated with me.  It was called “State of Wonder”.

He described how he greeted his newborn son, Eden, every morning with unbridled joy and told him how much he loved him.

Sounds great, right?

It was at first but after a few seconds, Eden wasn’t having it.  His face scrunched and then he burst into tears.

Warren’s intentions were good, but he realized he was forcing something on his young son he wasn’t ready for.  It was based on Warren’s mood and agenda.

And in doing so, he was overriding Eden’s comfort level – and Eden didn’t like that.

This made me think about a relationship from a year ago.

I developed feelings for her quickly and sensed she felt the same.

But it quickly became clear to me she was moving slower than I was, as women often do early in relationships.

I interpreted her deliberateness as lack of interest, and I didn’t like that.  In fact, it was a factor in our breakup. 

Looking back, I could see I had my own agenda – I decided she was for me and expected our relationship to go to another level.

But that was my agenda and I thrust it on her the same way Warren did with his son.

As men, we have the responsibility to initiate and take charge early in a relationship, but that tendency can lead to a lot of controlling behavior if we’re not careful.

I also let my own insecurity get the better of me and it screwed things up.

We have to balance our drive and fears with more openness, allowing the woman to go at her own pace, and not take it personally when she does.

Does any of this resonate for you?

What’s your agenda?

Why do you think you have it?

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