Ok, so I invented a word here.

“Single-ness” is one’s experience of being single.  There are many things that go into it.  What it looks like depends on the person experiencing it.

Here’s an example.  One guy thinks being single is great.  For him, it means freedom.

Now let’s look at another guy.  For him, being single is bad because it represents loneliness.

Their single-ness – their status – is exactly the same but each makes it mean something different.

So why is this important?

Because this has to do with owning how you feel about an important part of yourself.  If you don’t own it, ultimately, you’ll feel stuck in some way.

Let’s look at the second example.  Can you see how denying your feelings of loneliness might jam you up?

Here’s how it works.

Let’s say I take the position of the second guy – “Being single makes me feel lonely”

This circumstance robs me of my power because I think being single means I’m not desirable.

But let’s be clear.  It’s not my single-ness that robs me of my power, it’s the thought “Being single means I’m not desirable”.

It’s what I’m making my single-ness mean.

Can you see it’s not my circumstance but rather my thinking about my circumstance?

If I own that it’s my thinking driving how I feel about my single-ness, I can do two things.

First, I can actually feel that emotion, which is important to moving past it.

And second, after I feel it, I can choose to think something different about my single-ness.

This is the process by which change happens.

What happens when you’re unwilling to feel that negative emotion?

It sticks around.

It occupies your mind.

And you keep feeling it.

Taking ownership for your single-ness means taking responsibility for how you feel about it and ultimately, channeling that into some constructive action.

What happens when you deny how you feel?

Unconstructive action – hiding out, self-soothing (booze, drugs, food – you name it), acting out (blaming others) – none of which get you to where you want to be.

So how do you feel about your single-ness?

Why do you think you feel that way?

What’s the thought causing that feeling?

Can you see it’s not your single-ness but rather what you think about your single-ness?

How can you take responsibility for your feelings moving forward?

If you can answer these questions, you’re well on your way toward embracing your status and actually doing something about it (assuming it’s a status you’d like to change).

Confused by this whole process?

Sign up for a free-mini-session and I’ll help you figure it out.

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