Ok, so you’ve had an interaction with her.  You’ve chatted a bit on a dating site or you met her out somewhere.

You’ve done the hard work of meeting her and asking her out.  Now all you have to do is plan the first date.

If that goes well, you’re on your way.

But this is exactly where some guys get tripped up.

They’ll be too eager and scare her off.  They’ll do a poor job planning the date or they’ll make that first date more than it is.

It’s important to keep something in mind when planning that first date.

YOU have to like HER, as well.

Remind yourself of that.

Too many guys try too hard to get her to like them – they’re unable to be themselves and have fun.

She has to connect with you just like you have to connect with her.  You CAN turn her down, you know, even if you’re attracted to her.

Next tip – don’t assume the date is set.

If you had a conversation online or chatted briefly in a coffee shop, she doesn’t know you very well and as a result, may choose to cancel at the last minute.

If she does, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you.  It means she doesn’t know you.

And it indicates you likely did not deepen the connection since you first met.

In order to avoid this, stay in touch.  Try to have at least one phone conversation before you ask her out on a date.

A few online or text exchanges is not enough for women to trust you or feel they know you.

A phone conversation is.  Make sure you work that in before you ask her out.

When planning the date, keep it casual.  The first date should not require a big time commitment or expense.

Keep it to coffee, drinks or something in a casual setting.

The important thing is to have a plan.

It’s up to you to find a place (as well as a second place if things go well).

For example, find a place to meet for coffee but also know where you’d like to go if coffee goes well and you want to keep the date going.  It could be something as simple as going to a park, sitting on a bench and chatting more.

Changing up the setting injects new energy into the date, which is key.

If you can, make your selection something that reveals something about you.  Take her to a park YOU know.  You’d be sharing something about yourself which is very attractive.

Next point – you pay for everything.

I like to think this is self-evident yet I constantly hear from women about men who don’t pay.

The first few dates, at a minimum, should be your treat.

It’s not about the money.  It’s about taking ownership of the date and the courting process.  It’s also about you being in the masculine role and paying is an important way to convey that.

By stepping into the masculine role, you allow her to step into the feminine role.  This allows her to trust you.

It also lets her know you’re not cheap, which is a good thing, right?

Next point – don’t assume she likes you just because she accepted your invitation.

A lot of dates go south quickly because the guy starts thinking they’re an item.

The purpose of the date is to get to know each other and determine if you both want a second date.

Don’t undermine that by getting ahead of yourself.  Take the time to ask her questions while also sharing personal things about yourself.

Last point – maintain tension.

This requires a little explanation.

You don’t want her to think she can have you at any time.  You don’t want to be so accommodating and so interested that she can easily take you for granted.

It’s not that being nice or showing interest is inherently bad.

It’s showing it too early, before you’ve had time to get to know each other, that conveys an air of desperation.

If she thinks you like her before you even know her, she won’t feel special and as a result, won’t think you’re very special.

You can avoid this by challenging her, teasing her and joking with her.

This maintains a healthy tension between both of you and that energy is what will keep the first date fun and intriguing, for both of you.

Alright, you’re ready for the first date.  Incorporate these tips and you’ll stand a much better chance at getting a second one!

 

 

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