Full transparency, there isn’t just one problem with texting.  There’s a bunch.

But I’ll keep this within the confines of dating to narrow the list.

It is my hope that what follows will not only resonate with you but will change how, and how often, you use texting.

Here’s my top-5:

The other person can disappear without repercussion – they can delete your conversation on the dating app – essentially eliminating all trace of you – without warning or apology – only to leave you twisting in the wind, wondering why.

It’s not really dialogue – frequently it’s one-sided information-sharing.  She will tell you what she did over the weekend or the funny thing her dog just did – all that, without asking a question back, making it difficult to respond. That’s not conversation!

It’s asynchronous – you can ask a question and she might wait two days to respond.  While that kind of delay certainly tells you where you stand, it’s nonetheless dispiriting to go through.

It’s easier to lie – she cancels your date because she’s sick.  How do you know she’s telling the truth?  Facial expression, body language and voice tone will betray a liar but none of these exist in a text. 

Texting is lazy – anyone who’s had a birthday in the last 10 years has received birthday texts from people who used to call or send a card.  Doesn’t it mean more when someone takes the time to at least call?  We use texting as a way to hide and not fully engage with the other person.

Believe me, that top-5 just scratches the surface of all the issues with texting.

I think Maggie Mulqueen, psychologist from Brookline, MA, summed it up well.  In her piece titled, Texting Really is Ruining Personal Relationships, she wrote “Texting breeds not just grammar and spelling illiteracy but, more importantly, emotional illiteracy as well.

We’re losing our ability to communicate with one another and that’s highly problematic in the dating world.

Want a way to overcome it?

Keep your texts to a minimum and transition to phone and in-person contact as quickly as possible.

You can even use the exit strategy, “I’m not a fan of texting.  Can we talk by phone?”

Most people don’t like extended texting so raising it early on could be something you bond over.

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