One of the most knowledgeable men on the topic of approaching women is Andrew Ferebee.  His book, “The Dating Playbook for Men” contains some great techniques for approaching women.

He lays out Three Golden Rules:

  1. Lower your reaction time
  2. Adjust after the initial approach
  3. Set the framework of your interaction as man to woman

All three are critical to a successful approach.

Lower your reaction time – One of the most common mistakes men make is waiting to make the approach.  Delaying, even by a few seconds, will result in excuses and ultimately, no approach.  With each successive approach, try to reduce the time between first noticing her and going over.  Eventually this will become a reflex, which is exactly what you want.

Adjust after your initial approach – it’s not about coming up with the perfect line. It’s about being comfortable with the uncertainty of not knowing what to say and finding a way to improvise. If nothing comes to you, be honest.  Saying something like, “I actually have no idea what to say right now but I know I want to talk to you.”  That’s fine.  You’re being genuine and that goes a long way.

Set the framework of “man to woman” – this keeps you out of the “friend zone”. To give off masculine energy, you have to establish a physical presence.  Start with consistent eye contact. Next, speak with a deep tone.  Your voice should come from your chest or stomach and not your nose.  Finally, be physical.  Really occupy the space you’re standing in.  Stand up straight, legs a little wider than usual, shoulders back and use hand gestures when speaking.  All of this establishes a presence and speaks to her subconscious.  She may not know why, but she knows “there’s something I like about him.”

Remember, approaching is not about knowing the perfect thing to say.  The key to approaching is getting so comfortable with it that it becomes second nature.

Follow the three golden rules and pat yourself on the back every time you approach – no matter the outcome.  The fact that you’re taking action is the most important thing.


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