This is about a recent client interaction that reminded me of a dynamic I’ve experienced as well.
You’re dating one woman but you’ve been out with another you like more.
The only problem is, the one you like more isn’t quite as enamored with you as the one you’ve been dating.
So you’re stuck in this void where neither situation is going quite the way you want.
And the difference in your approach is noticeable.
You spend more time pursuing and thinking about the second woman and frankly, make yourself more available to her.
The one you’ve been seeing has some qualities you like but she doesn’t get you excited – you keep her at arm’s length.
You’re chasing the second one and fending off the first.
The thing I find fascinating, and I’ve noticed it in myself, is literally the two people you become – the two faces you have.
With the first, you’re cordial and engaging but you’re not taking a lot of initiative. You’re responsive but you don’t convey a deeper sense of interest.
She’ll make a statement like, “I really like you” and I’ll uncomfortably respond, “I like you too”. But it doesn’t feel right and she’s way ahead of where I am.
And it was that disparity that opened the door for someone else in the first place.
And that’s at the heart of what’s going on here.
This isn’t the scenario of a guy who likes two women and can’t decide who to choose.
This the story of someone who is stringing someone along because having her is better than being alone.
But he knows deep down, he’s not truly interested in her and is easily drawn to someone else. In fact, he has his radar turned up for such a possibility.
Look, it’s hard to be on your own. And it’s hard to level with a woman and tell her you’re not feeling it, despite the admirable qualities she may have.
This is not exclusive to men – women exhibit the same kind of avoidance.
We keep someone on a string while we check out other options.
And it turns us into exactly what this title suggests – two-faced. It brings out our ugly side – the part of ourselves that is detached, distant and worse of all – misleading.
I hate when it’s being done to me and hate it even more doing it to someone else.
So what’s the solution?
Be honest with yourself – then you can be honest with her.
Ask yourself, “What am I doing here?”
“Do I really like this person?
And take action. If you like her, go for it. If you don’t, cut her loose.
You’re only bullshitting yourself if you stay in and chase others.