Here’s how it unfolds: you chatted someone up on a dating app.  Next, you arranged a call to see if you have rapport.

You both are interested so you set up a date. 

As the date approaches, a little anxiety sets in. 

“I wonder if she looks like her pictures?”

“I hope I like her”

“What should I talk about?”

And right there you have the dilemma confronted by most men heading to a date.

Knowing what you want to say and clarifying what you want to find out are steps most men don’t contemplate.

You need a plan.

I know what you’re thinking, “I like to wing it.  I don’t want it to be too rehearsed.”

And I understand.

I’m not suggesting you write out questions like it’s an interview, but you should go into it with an idea of what you want to come away with.

Both men and women go into dates with questions they want answers to.  We just don’t consciously register those questions in our mind.

I’m suggesting you think through those questions and apply them to every first date you go on.

Here are mine:

  • Am I attracted to her?
  • Is our conversation easy and natural?
  • Is she interesting?
  • How do I feel when I’m with her?

The last question requires more explanation.  It’s a question that taps into my intuition. 

Do I feel comfortable around her?  Or do I have a weird feeling in my gut that something’s not right?

Here’s an example – when I’m around cold or detached women, I tend to overcompensate and become overly chatty, which is not my personality.

That’s a signal I’m not comfortable around her.  I prefer women who have a warmth about them so watching for my comfort level is key.

You may have something different you look for.

But it’s important to know what you want to come away with so you can steer the conversation in directions to get those answers.

To find out if my date is interesting, I may ask, “What did you do over the weekend?”

That may give me some clues.

Or I may tell her about a trip and the things I did while away.

Does she have travel stories of her own?

There is so much to learn about someone, yet it can’t all be discovered on the first date.

But you should learn something.

And that’s why it’s important to have a plan – a general sense of the things YOU NEED TO FIND OUT ABOUT HER before you move on to date #2.

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