We all have something we don’t want our partner to know.
It’s something we hide at all costs.
It can be about our appearance.
“I was really fat as a kid”
It can be something from our past.
“I was only married for two months”
Whatever it is, we guard it fiercely, rarely even acknowledging it to ourselves.
This is point when I would tell you how important it is to tell your partner.
But I’m not going to do that.
Sure, if you tell her it might bring you closer. And more intimacy is always good.
But don’t you want to understand your secret for yourself first?
Ask yourself one question.
Why am I keeping it a secret?
In your response, take note of what you’re avoiding.
Usually it’s a negative feeling.
Why is this important?
Because we’re taught early on that we shouldn’t feel the bad stuff.
The fact is the bad stuff isn’t so bad.
Feeling embarrassed or even humiliated, while difficult, is part of being human.
And making ourselves think we shouldn’t feel these things, makes us do all kinds of crazy shit.
Your feelings are meant to be felt. ALL of them!
That’s their job.
And guess what.
Once you feel them, you’re free.
Free from carrying around a secret that is only really a big deal to you.
Secrets, and the energy you waste in hiding them, are tough to hold back.
The heck with your partner.
Acknowledge the secret for yourself and why you’re keeping it.
That alone will make you a better partner in the long run.