First, a qualifier – this only applies to the early stages of dating or, more specifically, to the first date.

If you’re in a relationship, there’s no need to worry if she is being complimentary.

But in an early dating context, too many compliments may mean the opposite of what you think.

We men think any compliment from a woman is a direct expression of interest.

It’s not.

In fact, many women will only give compliments when they’re NOT interested in a guy (at least that’s what they report on Reddit and other message boards).

They also report their compliments in everyday interactions are often misinterpreted by men, which is why they rarely give them in dating scenarios.

But there’s more to this compliment thing then just gender differences in how we use and interpret them.

Sometimes women use compliments as a defense mechanism.

Follow me here – a woman is out with a guy, but she’s not interested in him romantically, yet she thinks he’s a good guy. 

She’s experiencing conflict.

She feels guilty.

To ease her own guilt, she pays him a compliment.

In psychological terms, this is called reaction formation, which is behaving or expressing the opposite of one’s true feelings.  

This is akin to a man asking a woman if she wants to go out again then never calls.

He compensates for the guilt he feels by behaving in a manner opposite to his true feelings.

Neither is helpful and both are confusing to the other person.

Compliments are tricky.

If you just met a woman, you can’t necessarily interpret her compliments as a sign of interest.

In fact, if she’s very complimentary, there’s a good chance she’s not interested in you at all.

Leave a Comment