After covering this briefly in my weekly email to subscribers, I realized this was an important enough topic to delve into in a formal blog this week so here goes..

Whether you just met someone at a party or have been out on a few dates, when a woman stops responding, it’s always tough to handle.

Here are a few tips.  Hopefully they help the next time you’re in this situation.

First – just because a woman gives you her number, doesn’t mean she’s sold on you.  This may sound harsh but it’s true.  Don’t make the mistake of assuming you’ve “landed her”.  You still need to make an impression.  That means turn on the charm and make your interactions fun.  I always assume a woman is going out on other dates and it’s my job to grab her attention and hold it.

Second – don’t over-rely on texts.  If you’re in your 30’s or younger, you may prefer texting but it’s less than ideal.  Phone calls are much better for getting to know someone and that should be your goal early on.   Resistant to calls?  Ask yourself why.  Many men prefer texting because they can keep their distance that way.  Does that sound like a winning formula for getting to know someone?

Third – while there are many reasons a woman will stop responding, the most common is: she didn’t feel an emotional connection to you.  The top reason why she’d feel this way?  You weren’t showing the real you.  You were holding something back.  What can you do if you find yourself holding back?  Work on your self-esteem.  The best way to do that?  Work with a therapist or coach.

Fourth – acknowledge you will probably never know the reason she stopped responding.  Can you be ok with that?  More often than not, it means the TWO OF YOU weren’t a match TOGETHER and not that YOU failed in some way.

Finally – what are you making her lack of response mean?  This is the most important part.  When someone ghosts you, where does your mind go?  Does it ask, “Why didn’t she like me?” or “What did I do wrong?”  These are dead-end questions that leave you with no answers and usually, feeling worse.  Try a power question like “Who do I want to be in this situation?”  Can you feel the difference?  Managing your mind, during what appears to be a rejection, is critical.  It will help you be your best self and more importantly, get better results in your dating life.

Notice, I did not provide any rules here like, “wait 24-hours and contact her again”.  These are helpful and can provide a small measure of control during a time when you feel, well, out of control but it won’t be lasting.

The only way to overcome the emotional turmoil you feel during repeated rejections is by managing your mind in a different way.  The tips above will help but permanent change will come from working a program with a coach that focuses on shifting your mind’s reaction to rejection.

Do that and you’ll never get sidetracked again by a woman going dark on you.

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