This plays off the quote from celebrated author, Maya Angelou, whose original quote was “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time”.

This is so useful in dating.

If we only followed it!

Men and women are both guilty of ignoring this sage advice in relationships.

Here’s how it shows up for me:

I’ll have a mutual match on a dating app.  I’ll send a message. 

No response. 

I’ll think, “Oh, she’s probably busy”. 

A day later, I get a response. 

We set up a time to talk by phone.  I call but she doesn’t answer.  I leave a message.

It’s 24 hours later and no response.  I text her. 

I hear back hours later.  She apologizes for not getting back to me.  She had to work late.

I’m not pleased with her slow responses, but I tell myself, “She doesn’t know you yet.  Don’t expect her to make you a priority.”

We set a new time to talk.  She texts me before, asking if we can push the call to later that night.

What has she been communicating about herself?

She doesn’t manage her time well?

Maybe.

She has limited interest in me?

Maybe.

The fact is, I don’t know. 

I may never know but what I do know is there’s a problem nailing her down and there’s an obstacle to us communicating.

She’s telling me something about herself!

I can continue making excuses for her or I can evaluate the situation and make a decision – Do I want to continue with her?

Listen, having problems connecting with someone is not the end of the world and I’m not suggesting you should cut things off if you experience the same.

But you should keep your eyes open.

One of the biggest reasons relationships fail is because we don’t see the other person for who they are.

We see them as who we want them to be.

Keeping commitments may not be a deal breaker.

But what about dishonesty?

That might be.

What do you do when someone shows that pattern of behavior?

There are a few universal truths.

One is you can’t change people.

So when she shows you who she is, believe it.

Expecting something else is on you.

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