Feel free to insert your preferred words for “with someone”.  It could be “married”, “in a relationship” or “in love”.

But it’s a simple question, right?

Take a few minutes and write down the first five things that pop into your mind.

Here are mine:

Share my life

Grow as a person

Experience love

Be inspired

Have fun

Try not to judge your responses.  We all have different motivations for wanting to be with someone.

When you look at your list, what stands out?

Do you want someone to fill a void in some way?

Are you looking for companionship?

Maybe someone to balance out your shortcomings?

How about “I don’t want to be alone”? or “This is what people do.  They get married.”

Do you like your reasons?

I like mine.  Especially the last one – “have fun”.  Isn’t it nice to be in a relationship where you enjoy each other?  Where there’s no pressure for the other person to be a certain way for our benefit?

My fourth one – “be inspired” – made me think, “why do I need someone else to feel inspired?”  Can’t I feel that way on my own?

As I dug into it, I realized I like it when I love someone so much, they make me want to be a better man.  That’s the inspiration I want.

However, the challenge for me is that if my partner is the only one I look to for inspiration, rather than myself, that will eventually show up in our relationship.

And it will probably be an issue.

Relationships work so much better when each person takes responsibility for meeting their own needs.

Like my mentor, Brooke Castillo, likes to say, “That way you can just come together and have fun”.

Think about the reasons you want to be with someone.

You should like those reasons.

They should make you feel good.

 

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