This blog was supposed to be about “How to Turn a “No” into a “Yes” – getting a date after an initial rejection.  But I realized it’s more important, for now, to emphasize the importance of embracing the No’s.

Getting No’s to date requests means you are actually putting yourself out there and trying.  That is the only way to get better and the only way to reach your goals.

If you’re not getting consistent no’s, you’re not doing enough.  The founder and lead instructor at the Life Coach School, Brooke Castillo*, is quick to point out that confidence is gained through the resilience-building process.

We become resilient when we try and fail.  The failures are the mini-tears in the muscle that come from working out.  The muscle becoming bigger as a result (to fix the tear) is your resilience.  Recurring resilience leads to confidence.

Ironically, it is our failures that give us confidence.  Follow me here.

You ask a woman out and she says no.  You ask another woman out and she also says no.  You keep going and with every attempt, you endure another setback but it’s through this “wearing down” and “building back up” that you learn to keep going, without needing a “yes” to do so.

The acknowledgement on your part, that you can keep going, is the raw material for self-confidence.

Next time you get turned down, instead of seeing it as a failure, tell yourself “I’m getting closer to a yes”.

*I highly encourage all my clients to subscribe to Brooke’s podcast.  It is called “The Life Coach School Podcast”.  Brooke did a fantastic, 4-part series on resilience (#146-149).  Listen to all four parts.  It will provide great insights into resilience and effective applications of this concept.

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