Ask anyone who’s been in the dating pool for a while what they’re looking for in a partner and they will rattle off qualities rapid-fire.

Ask them what they’re bringing to the table and you’ll get a pause.

I know.  I’ve done this with clients.

It’s easy to point to outside forces for why we don’t have what we want.

It’s much harder to take responsibility ourselves.

So why should someone date you?

What’s your top-5?

I did this exercise years ago and here’s what I came up with:

  • I’m attractive
  • I’m easy to talk to
  • I’m a good person
  • I think for myself
  • I’m fun

These are all good qualities, right?

So of course, most women would want to date me.

Not necessarily.

When I look at the list now, I see it’s missing key traits many women look for: security, financial stability, social stature.

If you look at my list through the lens of evolutionary psychology, there are gaps.

It doesn’t quite address some of the things likely to be at the top of a woman’s list.

I wrote the list right out of grad school.  After changing careers, I was starting over and money was tight.

I couldn’t put “financially secure” down but it was likely important to the women I went out with.

And it was likely a factor in the struggles I experienced dating at the time. 

It was a tough realization but an important thing to reflect on, which is why I’m raising it here.

As difficult an exercise as it is, you need to do it.

Write down the top-5 reasons why a woman should date you.

Then reflect on whether those are things women are looking for.

For me, financial challenges were the issue.

Did you uncover anything?

Be honest with yourself.

Is there more you can be doing right now to generate interest?

Lose some weight?

Improve your social skills?

We want to believe women should like us because of the intrinsically good qualities we possess but it’s not that simple.

When it comes to attraction, the opposite sex often values things we’d rather ignore.

Ask any woman.  They don’t want to be judged off their looks or their waistline but that’s exactly what we do.

Take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Why would someone date me?”

It may be the kick in the pants you need.

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