Tom Petty said, “The waiting is the hardest part”, but I contend it’s not knowing.
One of the toughest things to deal with in dating is getting ghosted.
Yes, the rejection stings but it’s the lack of closure that can radiate for days.
“Did I say something wrong?”
“Did I reveal something that was a deal breaker for her?”
Even worse is the disparity – “Wow, I liked her and clearly she didn’t feel the same”.
In fact, it’s often when the disparity becomes apparent to her that she decides to vanish.
“I’m looking forward to seeing you this weekend.”
That’s an overt statement of interest and it’s a great thing to say but it’s also something that can send her running if she’s not feeling it. Not because you’ve said anything wrong but because it’s clear to her, she doesn’t have the same level of excitement.
And that disparity – the differing pace at which feelings develop for both people – is enough to trigger a ghosting situation.
While there are plenty of reasons you can get ghosted, expressing your feelings too early and too often is often the culprit.
Because for women, these feelings often develop more slowly.
I’ve worked with several clients who tended to send off texts, personal ones, after only one date.
The text up above is fine but not if you say it three times the same week.
Context and frequency matter.
Before you say or write something, take a minute to think about how it fits with the amount of time you’ve spent with her and the nature of your interactions.
This is tricky.
As men, we’re programmed to take the lead, to put ourselves out there and initiate interest.
That’s all well and good but once the “dance” starts, you must be cognizant of whether she’s moving at the same pace.
There should be organic, mutual closeness developing before you make a deep, personal statement of affection to her.
The key here is knowing why you’re saying it.
Often, when a guy makes such a statement too early, it’s not because of how he’s feeling about her.
It’s about a feeling he’s having internally, a negative one, like loneliness. And saying it out loud gives him momentary relief.
But in that context, it often doesn’t land well.
And awkwardness ensues.
And getting ghosted follows.
The worst part of being ghosted is not the rejection. It’s not knowing why it happened.
And while you’ll likely never know the true reason, the first place to look is how quickly and how often you expressed an eager interest in her.
Was it too much too soon?
Just consider that, without judging yourself.
And if that’s how you showed up, ask yourself why.
It might help you avoid getting ghosted the next time.