If you’ve noticed a pattern to the relationships you’ve been in and seen them end the same way – that is, not well – you probably have some blind spots that need your attention.

What are blind spots?

Aspects of your personality that are totally obvious to everyone but you.

You’re not aware of them because your unconscious mind uses a clever defense mechanism called denial, which happens to be one of the most effective defenses out there.

We ‘go blind’ to aspects of ourselves that are so unwanted that they’re impossible to integrate into our view of ourselves, so we reject them and bury them deep inside.

Here are some examples:

  • Tom shuts down when Maggie tries to talk to him about their future.
  • Lisa starts “noodling” around the kitchen whenever Steve tells her about his day.
  • Paul loses his temper whenever Stacey disagrees with him.

A blind spot could be what’s preventing you from finding happiness.

How do you overcome them?

Wake up – that is, become more aware.

One of the keys to personal growth is making the unconscious, conscious – becoming more aware of your blind spots so they don’t interfere with your relationships.

Here’s a few tips to help:

  • Take a time out – blind spots usually surface during arguments so take a breather and calm down so you can be more open.
  • Ask for feedback – ask your partner to tell you, in as neutral a way as possible, how they just experienced you.  Then try to listen and take it in.
  • Pay attention to your body – it usually tightens when something’s not right.  What is it trying to tell you?
  • Don’t judge – try to find some compassion for yourself.  It’s really hard, not to mention uncomfortable, to see those ugly parts of your personality.

Your dating blind spots could very well be holding you back from a fulfilling relationship.

Take stock of yourself to gain more insight but if you really want to speed up your growth, work with a Life Coach or therapist.

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